How to put the phone down and stop running wild with your own narrative – Guide
Many of us mistakenly believe that it’s easier to text or make a phone call than talk to someone in person, especially when we are upset or disappointed. However, research has shown time and again that the phone is full of opportunities for miscommunication. ..
When it comes to communication etiquette tips, how you relate to someone is very important. There are some commonsense things you can do or avoid, like notifying someone who is on speakerphone phone, staying away from your phone when you’re out with friends, and not constantly sending endless links and updates to your adult children or friends in group chat. But mostly, we need to learn not to be so reactive; not to run wild with our perceived narrative.
It’s fascinating that Azubuike, a boomer nation, has to respond right away to protocol-based questions about text messages. This leads to anxiety in many situations where people expect an immediate response.
An excellent example is when you keep looking at your phone to see if you missed a reply even though your notifications were turned on or when you blew up someone’s phone (contacting them repeatedly) only to find silence. It comes down to the ego. “It is a misconception that you are being rejected, you may even feel abandoned and that the person’s silence or delay is a statement or a negative assessment of you,” Azubuike said. ..
He says that when you become reactive to someone’s silence, it can create bigger problems if you’re not prepared to take the time to understand their perspective.
Just because someone doesn’t respond right away doesn’t mean it’s an assessment of you, it just means they’re preoccupied with other things. “There’s a concern that you need to respond to in kind or immediately, and that’s not a pressure you need to give in to,” Azubuike said.
In a recent Instagram post, certified dating coach Eunice Hong, who runs the popular Instagram account @artofdatingnyc, wrote: “Self-service: Deleting the paragraph and answering OK.” This, in reference to typing long and reactionary shouty paragraphs when worked up or defensively.
If you’ve already done this, join the club first; secondly, you’ve probably learned that it never happens the way you want and may regret your now registered words (thanks to screenshots, now called receipts). “Never have meaningful text conversations, that’s the first rule,” said Hong. ..
Hong said that everyone has a personal narrative to share, which is not always factual. Your feelings about the story are real, but that does not make it so.
Hong said that becoming emotionally mature is a process of learning and having a constructive mindset, which is a practice in itself. It’s knowing what you bring to the table and what comes from the dynamics of the relationship.
If someone sends you a text message and you overreact, they may feel that they have the right to overreact, but on second thought, they realize that the overreaction is disproportionate. If you’re guilty of this, she suggests that you send a text message as soon as you calm down and say something like, “I overreacted, but I’m glad this conversation is over phone or in person.”
Pre-tech, when we were writing letters, people had time to think, write, fold the paper, put it in the envelope, and walk to the mailbox. Email and texting can be more susceptible to impulsiveness.
Hong suggests waiting until you can connect on a call or in person to discuss the issue at hand.
According to Azubuike, we adopt this behavior because technology gives us a sense of distance. But remember that text messages are recorded: you can say “I didn’t mean to say that” or actually forget what was said, but receipts or screenshots can last forever and will only go away if the recipient deletes them.
Need damage control or want to connect with someone you’ve had a text disagreement with? “I always believe that human relationships are best served when we are proactive, when we try harder than we back down,” said Azubuike.
He suggests leaving a phone message and following up with a text reiterating its message, something like: “I’m still here. When you’re ready, call me. I still value ‘you as a friend’ so I give them their space. This demonstrates your care and is up for them to arrive.”
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